Most people will start to question why I would even write about this first off it’s because I never got to speak anyone professionally or even a friend about it and how I felt it’s been 4 years but it’s still fresh in my memory and my dreams been haunt me with things that are not even real or that have even happened. It’s amazing how the mind can work in ways like that.
I thought if I write about this I would get it off my chest I would be able to breathe a bit more and hope that I wouldn’t feel so much anxiety over it anymore.
I meet this guy in 2007 up I found him off a social media website by accident I messaged him about his current relationship status he had with this girl ,who was not who they claimed to be I know because I used to be friends with that person. I never even knew who Michael was I just started telling him the truth then we started talking it was not long until we some how started our own relationship, we spoke everyday on the phone and internet for roughly 3 months until we actually meet in person I knew I liked him starlight away that’s for sure. At this point I had already had a child from. A previous relationship so my child was only a few months old he didn’t care and was very nice about it.
I thought ok this is perfect it’s different to most relationships I had been in can’t explain it but I sorta knew it would last a while sure enough not long after that he proposed to me not in a romantic way but I was still shocked and I was not expecting that all of course I accepted I was over the moon and things couldn’t be better.
Years on he moved in with me it was great we went for drives all the time we went places etc he loved playing his Xbox I just chilled doing other things while he did that … there was one thing that started bugging me is that he never said he loved me he always responded with mmmm when I said it to him everyday. I tried not to let it get to me he wasn’t working so he was with me pretty much 24/7 to me that was a cosy feeling and couldn’t face the fact if he had left me.
Job agency’s started getting on his back a lot because he wasn’t working I started to get nervous and worried because I knew we wouldn’t be around together much anymore and I felt like something bad would happen if he got a job….just that gut feeling of something that was going to turn my life around forever.
It was not long until he started talking about a girl from work everyday he had something to say about her…l never said anything but I was getting jeloues and unsure he then started talking about things like what she wore and started comparing me to her and other things almost like he wanted me to be her. One day he walked out of the supermarket with a impulse spray he has never brought me anything like that so I was like what the hell.! He then to,d me the girl from work wears it he likes the smell and asked her what it was so he got me the same one.? I started to feel more and more insecure as days went on….
He used to say her name out loud in dreams when I was awake but then claims I was hearing things when I wasn’t. He fell asleep one day in the afternoon I had something in my gut that said look at his messages mind you I never used to….so I risked it and I did there it was a message to her saying what a great ass she has…. my heart broke in 2 it was at this point I knew he lost interest in me and wanted her but secretly wanted her…..he denied the whole thing all though it was right there in his inbox… he started saying he had to work late he only worked in a coffee factory I’m not dumb I knew were he was but I couldn’t drive I had no license no car…. I could never go see but I just knew…. he never told me he wanted to leave me he never hinted anything like that…. it’s like he was comfortable were he was….I didn’t know what to do because I loved him so much 7 years is a long bloody time for a relationship.
Sure enough I told him to leave why? Maybe I was maybe I was confused I had in my head I would find someone better who wanted what I did as he never wanted to get married didn’t want kids but I did…. I didn’t wanna be the 2nd gf he just lives with while being with another…. he promised me we would stay friends and it was just a break…. yeah that lasted long hey….not even 3 months after we separated he had gone out with her numerous times had sex with her and acted like I was nothing and acting like 7 years was just a one month relationship I couldn’t handle it I couldn’t understand it…. this whole time was he really playing me? Did I do the right thing by letting him walk away from our relationship? Sometimes I think I made the mistake by letting him go… now 2017 he has gotten married to that same girl… yes married can u believe that? And in my birthday to…..oh and wearing the suit I brought him to… I literally felt sick to my stomach when I found out not even 4 years with that girl then bang marries her I was with him for 7 years and didn’t get that….. he ignores me now he does not speak to me he has me blocked on everything like I’m the one who did wrong by him…it’s a joke to this day I’m still haunted with memories dreams were we get back together I wake up then find it never happened my mind is still a mess 4 years later. I’m still trying to get my head around all this